Hated, Rated, or Evacuated:
Survivor Season 38: Edge of Extinction
jakec / 04022019
Congratulations everyone, we survived the relentless inferno of our crumbling planet long enough to reach the precipice of a new season of Survivor. Season 38! Survivor is now old enough to legally drink everywhere in Canada, which is appropriate because whoever came up with this season's theme was clearly drunk as hell.
In Edge of Extinction, once castaways are voted out they have the choice of going to the Island of Extinction instead of leaving the game. Which means we could end up with a jury of 15 people, some of whom are voting for people they might never have met? Wow! Okay, Jeff! Edge of Extinction is also coming off the back of maybe the best season of Survivor that has ever aired. And with a cast that, minus a few notable exceptions, looks super boring! Wonderful. Thrilled. Can't wait. Let's get this over with.
Dan “The Wardog” DaSilva
How have people who give themselves nicknames before the show fared? Coach is one of the most widely ridiculed castaways of all time (pygmies wanted to eat his ass, though, so) and Phillip Sheppard aka The Specialist is basically Coach 2.0. Big yikes! The Wardog apparently “brings a certain sex appeal that men my age haven't had for over a decade or most have never had.” What if we just skip this season?
Hated, rated, or evacuated? Hated (cries in his exit confessional.)
Anyone called Reem Daly was obviously hated by their parents and had to endure so much bullshit through school that they have to have grit. Reem is either running this game or going to be totally invisible. Could go either way!
Hated, rated, or evacuated? Rated when she tries to make a Big Move from a minority alliance post-merge and fails, fuelling /r/survivor memes for two weeks. Goes on to take over Extinction Island. Makes Joe cry.
Compared himself to the Kool-Aid Man in his pre-season intro. A Kool-Aid Man reference tells you nothing about a person, and therefore, tells you everything. You get what you see with Rick. Everyone’s gonna love him.
Hated, rated, or evacuated? Rated as this season’s loveable goat. Will do no wrong and will get voted out through no fault of his own.
Seems like she rules. People with coloured hair do terribly on Survivor (Purple Kelly, Chelsea, Lyrsa) and she seems like a hire rather than an applicant. Who knows! A true wildcard. But probably pretty endearing.
Hated, rated, or evacuated? Rated, but only ever a number in a majority alliance until she gets too close to someone and gets taken out before the merge.
Anyone who describes themselves as “competitive” and “a fierce athlete” is trying to play the physical game and probably thinks Survivor is a game show. And yet Ozzy never came close to winning. Huh. Makes you think. She thinks she’s already got the game figured out, so naturally she will implode in spectacular fashion.
Hated, rated, or evacuated? Hated for melting down after a lost challenge and blaming the social players. Voted out for calling Rick something un-airable.
Cute, self-deprecating, hilarious. He says he’s religious, an attribute which jumped all the way over the shark during South Pacific (weird cult vibe culminating in one of the show's only genuinely violent and scary moments) and hasn’t featured heavily in Survivor since. But he’s also wicked smart so he’ll probably do well.
Hated, rated, or evacuated? Rated. Will give at least one sorely needed speech to the camera about race relations in Survivor. Sia will give him $100,000 at the reunion.
Allegedly a hustler, proving his gameplay is at least two seasons too old. Talks a lot about camp life so his gameplay is probably actually about 20 years old. The last person to get by on camp life was Rupert, the most boring player ever. Hopefully Chris doesn’t try to follow in his footsteps by attempting to drown his entire tribe.
Hated, rated, or evacuated? Hated after forming an alliance with the other hot people and trying to do damage control on whatever Lauren says.
We stan a three-time queen. Living legend. Probably one of the most well-liked players of post-HvV Survivor. Combined with Aubry, they make up 95% of the reason to watch this season.
Hated, rated, or evacuated? Rated after downplaying her early threat levels and entrenching her legacy as a strategic genius. Becomes the first person to use an idol to nullify 17 votes. Announces she’s taking Probst’s job.
Hated, rated, or evacuated? Evacuated when he falls from a coconut tree on Extinction Island while hallucinating a super idol.
Alleged misogynist and notably the worst entry in his archetype (Ozzy, Malcolm, et al.) Will try to pull off an Ozzy circa South Pacific by going to Extinction Island first and enjoying an uncontested ride to the end. Instead gets so dehydrated from Reem’s constant bullying that he passes out on the beach.
Hated, rated, or evacuated? Hated as he reminds everyone how much they wish it was Malcolm in his spot instead.
WE STAN A THREE-TIME QUEEN. The most iconic r.obbed g.oddess. When Michele Fitzgerald won Survivor: Kaoh Rong (we also stan Michele), it was the first and only time Jeff Probst said a jury was wrong in their winner pick. Probst isn’t entirely shy about playing favourites (Boston Rob, Cochran) but he really, really loves Aubry. As he should. She rules.
Hated, rated, or evacuated? Rated after taking first place to Kelley’s second. Ignores Joe at the reunion and makes him cry again. New host Kelley Wentworth takes after Probst by publicly mocking Joe as a quitter.
Describes herself as “controlling, ambitious, and witty.” See ya!
Hated, rated, or evacuated? Hated. First boot.
Big condescending dad energy. Will definitely boss people around at camp and dunk on the young women constantly.
Hated, rated, or evacuated? Evacuated. Planned pre-merge boot who drinks too much Corona at a reward challenge and has to get airlifted for alcohol poisoning.
Honestly seems like the most fun out of all the new castaways. This cast seems really boring? Really boring. Like, it’s obviously just a setup to get Aubry or Kelley their win like Redemption Island was rigged for Boston Rob. But Julie seems like she’s got enough good energy to alleviate the snoozefest of these other jokers.
Hated, rated, or evacuated? Rated after getting twist- or swap-fucked and ensuring her place as a Second Chance player.
Survivor loves a man in a heroic profession, especially firefighters. Seems chill. His bio is a lot about mediation which shows he’s got his head around social play. Feel like he’ll do well as a solid member of an alliance with more strategic players as long as he can make decisions when it comes to swing votes.
Hated, rated, or evacuated? Rated as a down-to-Earth sweetheart who everyone hates to see leave in the final 8. Will graciously go straight to the jury because he wants to see one of his new friends win. Sia will give him $100,000 at the reunion too.
First to out herself from this cast as a reader of /r/survivor so already a fan favourite. Likely one of the strategic players who Eric can help boost.
Hated, rated, or evacuated? Rated for masterminding a terrific upset, has to spend a few days managing her threat level, and taking a respectable third place.
She’s a toymaker! Heaven is real and it’s the planet we’re living on. Joy still exists in the world. She’s got a sorta Alison vibe but hopefully catches a better edit. Will definitely pull a Wendell but instead of building furniture for the camp, she’ll create an elaborate Rube Goldberg machine to fan the castaways with palm fronds.
Hated, rated, or evacuated? Rated as a promising player in the early game, glides past the merge, and gets taken out when her main ally wins individual immunity.
Seems young and physical but like he’ll try really hard. We like that.
Hated, rated, or evacuated? Evacuated after he gets third-degree burns from the sun, can no longer move his arms, and gets openly mocked by Probst during a challenge before going into shock.